Hold Me Tight®
for Couples
Learn how to understand each other better and become lovers again
A two day weekend based on Dr Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight®. Together you’ll go through the seven conversations that help couples feel close and safe with each other again.
You won’t share anything about your relationship with the group. Every conversation happens between the two of you.
- 15 years in clinical practice
- Master's in Counselling
- NZAC member
- Emotionally Focused Therapy trained
- Sex therapist
- Trained with David Deida
You love each other, and you keep ending up in the same painful place.
It happens when you try to talk, and it often happens in the bedroom too. This weekend you’ll learn what is happening between you, and how to step out of the cycle and feel close again.
Maybe you keep having the same fight.
It might be about money, the kids, the dishes or sex. One of you reaches, the other pulls away. The more one pushes, the further the other goes.
Underneath the fight there are bigger questions: “Are you there for me?” and “Do I matter to you?”
Neither of you is to blame. You’re both caught in the same cycle.
Or maybe you’re good together, but you don’t feel close.
You run a home well. You’re kind to each other, mostly. But somewhere along the way you became a very good team and stopped being lovers.
The touch is a peck on the way out the door, and sex has slipped down the list. You still love each other, and you miss feeling close.
Come and learn what’s happening between you, and what you can do about it.
Join us
What Hold Me Tight® is
Hold Me Tight® is a couples program created by Dr Sue Johnson, who developed Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). It’s based on her book Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.
EFT is one of the most researched couples therapies in the world. The program takes what happens in EFT sessions and teaches it to couples in a small group.
Along the way you’ll learn the two cycles couples get caught in: the emotional cycle, when you try to talk, and the sexual cycle, in the bedroom.
Dr Sue Johnson’s Hold Me Tight®
Dr Sue Johnson developed Emotionally Focused Therapy and created the Hold Me Tight® program. Her book, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, has sold more than a million copies.
The program is run around the world by therapists trained through ICEEFT, the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy. You can read ICEEFT’s description of Hold Me Tight®.
Tarisha is a member of the New Zealand Community for Emotionally Focused Therapy. You can see her NZCEFT profile here.
You don’t need to read the book before the weekend. Some couples like to read it afterwards.
The seven conversations
Recognising your emotional and sexual cycles
One of you reaches, the other pulls away. You’ll see the pattern you get stuck in, and that the cycle is the problem, not each other.
Finding your raw spots
The sensitive places, often from long ago, that set the cycle off.
Going back to a rocky moment
How to talk about a recent fight without it turning into another one.
Hold me tight
How to reach for each other and ask for what you need, so your partner can respond.
Forgiving hurts
How to repair a hurt that is still sitting between you.
Touch and closeness
How feeling safe with each other helps desire. We talk briefly about the sexual cycle here.
Keeping your love alive
A plan for what you’ll do at home when the old cycle starts again.
How the weekend works
Each conversation has short teaching, a video of a real couple, and then time to talk privately with your partner.
Saturday morning
How love works, and your cycle
Why we need each other, and what happens when we feel disconnected. Then conversation one: recognising your emotional cycle, the pattern you get stuck in when you try to talk.
Saturday afternoon
What’s underneath
Conversation two: finding your raw spots. Conversation three: going back to a recent rocky moment and talking about it differently.
Sunday morning
Reaching for each other
Conversation four: hold me tight, asking for what you need. Conversation five: forgiving hurts that are still between you.
Sunday afternoon
Closeness, and keeping it
Conversation six: touch and closeness, and how the sexual cycle works. Conversation seven: keeping your love alive, with a plan for home.
Often one of you is keener to come than the other. That’s normal. It’s fine if one of you feels unsure. Many couples come that way.
Join us
You’ll leave with
- a clear picture of your own cycle, emotional and sexual
- an understanding of what’s underneath for you and for your partner
- a way to name the cycle when it starts, and step out of it
- a way to repair after a fight, so hurts don’t pile up
- a way to reach for each other and ask for what you need
- words you can both use at home when the cycle starts
How much can change in one weekend
Over two days you spend about 14 hours working on your relationship. In weekly couples sessions, that would take you more than three months.
Hold Me Tight® has been studied with couples in Europe and North America. Here is what the research found.
- In a study of 129 couples in the Netherlands, couples had more relationship satisfaction, felt more securely bonded, and found it easier to forgive. For most couples the change was still there three and a half months later (Conradi and colleagues, 2018).
- In a study of 95 couples in Canada and the US, relationship satisfaction and trust went up, and depression and anxiety went down by the end of the program (Kennedy, 2017).
- In that same study, some of the gains faded over time when couples stopped having the conversations. This is why the last conversation is a plan for keeping your love alive at home.
- A pilot study of Hold Me Tight focused on sex and attachment found couples understood much better how feeling close and desire are linked, and their sexual satisfaction started moving in a good direction (Morgis and colleagues, 2019).
- Emotionally Focused Therapy, the therapy Hold Me Tight comes from, showed one of the largest effects of any couples therapy in a review of the strongest studies (Johnson and colleagues, 1999).
You can read more in my post on the most effective couples therapy.
Your conversations stay private
You won’t be asked to share anything personal with the group. The teaching happens together, and the conversations happen between the two of you.
If you get stuck, Tarisha or Mark will come and sit with you and help you through it.
This is a workshop, not group therapy, and nothing sexual happens in the room.
Your guides
Tarisha is a relationship and sex therapist with 15 years of experience. She trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr Rebecca Jorgensen and Heike McCahon, and has a Master’s in Counselling. She integrates Western psychotherapy with Eastern wisdom from sacred sexuality and tantra.
A bonus: you have two teachers. Tarisha and Mark teach the weekend together, as a couple.
Mark is Tarisha’s partner. His own training includes men’s work, polarity, breathwork and tantra. He teaches alongside Tarisha and supports the men, especially in the harder moments, when it helps to have another man in the room.
With two of us in the room, there is always someone free to sit with you when you need help.
Tarisha and Mark have both trained with David Deida.
How did the workshop change your relationship?
“We are again in love.”
“I can’t believe my relationship with my husband changed so much! We are again in love as 14 years ago, but now this feels so much deeper.”
Barbara D, Auckland
“Incredible intimacy with him and I.”
“I started pretty much not having sex at all. It has created this incredible intimacy with him and I. Now I know I can let someone in, and it’s perfectly safe.”
Patrina, New Zealand
“The change in my marriage is most pleasurable.”
“I feel more joy over being me, and an openness and connection to the sensual and sexual me in every day life. The change in my marriage is most pleasurable.”
Madelene, Sweden
Tarisha’s training and professional memberships
The details
The Button Factory, 2 Abbey Street, Auckland Central · Saturday 6 and Sunday 7 March 2027 · 9am–5:30pm both days
10 couples only, so there’s time for each of you.
For couples of all ages and orientations, married or not, new love or many years together.
What’s included
- Two days with Tarisha and Mark
- Your own workbook to take home
- An online follow up session within a month of the weekend
- Plenty of parking nearby
Hold Me Tight® Weekend
Saturday 6 and Sunday 7 March 2027, 9am to 5:30pm.
$1,195 per couple from 1 February 2027
Or pay in 3 monthly payments: $348 a month (early bird) or $437 a month
- Two full days, about 14 hours
- Bonus: two teachers, Tarisha and Mark, teaching together
- The seven Hold Me Tight® conversations from the book
- Short teaching and videos of real couples
- Support from Tarisha or Mark when you get stuck
- A plan for keeping your love alive at home
- Your own workbook and an online follow up session within a month
Full refund if you cancel 4 weeks or more before the weekend. And if after the first 3 hours you feel it isn’t right for you, you can leave and get a full refund.
This weekend is for you if
- you care about each other and keep getting caught in the same painful pattern
- one of you feels unwanted and the other feels pressured
- you want more closeness, touch and ease between you
- you’re doing well and want to go deeper
- you’re willing to slow down, listen, and look at your own part
It isn’t the right fit if
- there is violence or controlling behaviour in the relationship
- one of you doesn’t feel safe to speak honestly
- there is an affair that is still going on
- there is an addiction that needs treatment first
If any of these are true for you, private couples therapy is a better place to start.
Questions people ask
Do we have to share in front of the group?
No. The conversations happen privately between the two of you. You can ask a question in the group if you want to, and you don’t have to say anything.
Is this therapy?
No. It’s an educational weekend based on Emotionally Focused Therapy. It can help a lot, and it isn’t a replacement for couples therapy when you need it.
Are there any sexual practices in the room?
No. We talk briefly about touch and desire. Nothing explicit happens in the room.
Do we have to be in crisis to come?
No. Many couples come because they’re good together and want to feel closer. Others come because they keep having the same fight. You don’t need to be in crisis, and you don’t need to pretend everything is fine.
What if my partner isn’t sure about coming?
That’s very common. One of you is usually keener than the other. It’s fine if your partner feels unsure. Talk with Tarisha and we’ll answer any questions the two of you have. Your partner can also have a short call with Tarisha on their own, or read Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight first to see what the weekend is based on. And if after the first 3 hours it doesn’t feel right, you can leave and get a full refund.
Is it only for married couples?
No. It’s for married, partnered and long term couples of all ages and orientations.
How much does it cost?
$950 per couple if you sign up by 31 January 2027, then $1,195 per couple.
What if we need to cancel?
You get a full refund if you cancel 4 weeks or more before the weekend. And if after the first 3 hours you feel it isn’t right for you, you can leave and get a full refund.
Can we pay in instalments?
Yes. You can pay in 3 monthly payments: $348 a month if you sign up by 31 January 2027, or $437 a month after that.
Understand what’s happening between you
Come and spend a weekend learning how to feel close again.
Join usIf you have any questions, let’s talk
Or email tarisha@couplestherapy.co.nz
Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Dr Sue Johnson.