Love, desire and intimacy in long term relationships
Learn how to enhance desire, intimacy and communication in your relationship.
What Is the Most Effective Couples Therapy?
What the research says about the most effective couples therapy: Emotionally Focused Therapy, IBCT, the Gottman Method and others, and what makes the biggest difference.
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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Therapist’s Review
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work review by a couples therapist: Gottman’s main ideas, what critics say about his claims, who it suits.
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Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson: A Couples Therapist’s Review
Hold Me Tight review from a couples therapist trained in EFT: what Sue Johnson’s seven conversations teach, what reviewers say and who it suits.
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“We’re Great Together, I Just Don’t Want Sex”: A Sexless Marriage After 40
A sexless marriage after 40 is more common than you think. You love each other, you’re a good team, and the sex has slowly gone. Here’s what helps you both.
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Anxious and Avoidant: The Dance Most Long Term Couples Are Caught In
Anxious and avoidant: one of you pushes to talk, the other goes silent. The emotional cycle most long term couples are caught in, and how to step out of it.
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Mismatched Libido: The Sexual Cycle Couples Get Stuck In
Mismatched libido: one wants sex more, one wants it less, and both end up hurt. The sexual cycle many long term couples are caught in, and how to change it.
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Low Sexual Desire, in Him or in Her
Low sexual desire happens to women and to men, and it’s rarely about not loving your partner. What puts the brakes on desire after 40, and what helps.
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Desire and Menopause: What Changes, What Doesn’t and What Helps
Desire and menopause: what changes in your body and your relationship, what doesn’t, and what helps you both get through it together.
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She Wants Couples Therapy and You Don’t: A Note for Men
If your partner has asked you to go to couples therapy and you’d rather not, read this first. Mark on why he used to think the same, and what changed.
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The Empty Nest: What Happens to Couples When the Kids Need You Less
The empty nest changes a marriage. What happens to couples when the kids need you less, what gets in the way, and how to choose your next chapter.
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Twenty Summers: How Many Do You Have Left Together?
If you’ve got twenty summers left together, how do you want to spend them? A wake up call for couples who keep putting their relationship on hold.
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Sexless Marriage Advice for Men: When She Doesn’t Want Sex
Sexless marriage advice for men from Mark: why every no feels so personal, why pushing makes it worse, and what helps bring desire back for you both.
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New Love After 40: How Not to Repeat the Old Patterns
New love after 40: why old patterns follow us into new relationships, and how to build this one differently, on purpose.
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The Relationship WOF: A 10 Question Check for Couples
A relationship WOF: you get your car one every year, so when did your relationship last get one? A 10 question check you can do together tonight.
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Why She Keeps Pushing: A Guide for Men
Why she keeps pushing, asking and raising the same thing. Mark explains what’s going on for her, what’s going on for you, and what to do instead.
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Why Passion Fades in Long Term Relationships and What to Do
Why passion fades in long term relationships: polarity is the secret sauce of desire. What happens when you become too similar, and how to bring the pull back.
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David Deida’s 3 Stages of Intimate Relationships
David Deida describes three stages couples move through: dependent, 50/50 and intimate communion. Which one are you in right now?
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Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFCT) vs EFT Tapping: What’s Different?
Emotionally Focused Therapy and EFT tapping share three letters but are very different. What each one is, and which one helps couples.
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Can Trauma Impact Intimacy? Yes, and Here’s How
Can past trauma affect intimacy in a long term relationship? How it shows up between you, and what helps you feel safe and close again.
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12 Questions to Help You Repair Your Relationship
12 questions to ask each other when you want to stop blaming and start rebuilding trust.
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How to Recover from a Sexless Marriage
How to recover from a sexless marriage: four examples of long term couples rebuilding trust, desire and playful intimacy without forcing sex.
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Why Couples Argue (And the Hidden Mirror in Every Fight)
The way I show up is the way they show up. If I bring vulnerability, they bring vulnerability. If I bring anger, they bring anger. The mirror in every fight.
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How Couples Therapy Helps After an Affair
How couples therapy helps after an affair: getting through the discovery, the anger and the grief, and slowly rebuilding trust.
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Can a Retreat Help You Recover After an Affair?
Can a retreat help after an affair? What it needs to offer, and how to tell if you’re both ready.
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Intensive Therapy or Weekly Counselling: Which Is Right for You?
Intensive therapy or weekly counselling? How the two work, and which one suits what you’re going through.
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What to Do When You Feel Flooded in an Argument
When you feel flooded, a small moment turns into a big fight. How to notice it’s happening, calm down and come back to the conversation.
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Emotionally Focused Therapy vs Imago: Which to Choose?
Emotionally Focused Therapy and Imago are two popular approaches to couples therapy. How they differ, and how to choose.
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Remember the Love: How to Rekindle the Fire You Think You’ve Lost
Many women come to me sure that the love has died. Usually it hasn’t. It’s been neglected, and you can bring it back.
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Erotic Embodiment for Couples: How to Feel Desire Again
Erotic embodiment means feeling desire in your body, not just thinking about it. What it is and how couples can practise it.
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7 Somatic Couples Exercises to Feel Close Again
Seven simple body based exercises for couples, to calm down together, bring back touch and feel close again.
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How to Deepen Connection Naturally as a Couple
Everyday ways to feel closer to your partner, without needing a big gesture.
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7 Ways to Rebuild Connection with Your Partner
If you’ve drifted apart, here are seven ways to start feeling close again.
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Is Your Sex Life Boring? Here’s Why
Sex flat or frustrating? It’s often not your body or your partner. It’s an inner archetype. Here’s how to meet it and move past it.
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How to Heal Attachment Wounds Together
Old hurts from childhood often show up in our relationships. How couples can understand them and help each other heal.
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How to Heal Resentment in Your Marriage
Resentment builds when hurts aren’t repaired. How couples can talk about it and start trusting each other again.
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How Somatic Couples Therapy Can Help Your Relationship
What somatic couples therapy is, and how working with the body helps when talking hasn’t been enough.
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Seduce Your Partner Into Love: The Power of Feminine Essence
Do you feel more like mates than lovers? Your passion can come back when you reconnect with your feminine essence. Here’s how.
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Is Couples Therapy Worth It?
Is couples therapy worth it? When it can help you feel close again and bring desire back, and what to expect.
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How to Increase Intimacy in Your Marriage
How to feel closer in your marriage, emotionally and sexually, after years together.
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Sex Therapy or Couples Counselling: Which Do You Need?
Sex therapy or couples counselling? What each one focuses on, and how to know which you need.
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What Is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)? A Guide for Couples
A plain guide to Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples who keep having the same fight.
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Self Compassion: When Your Relationship Is Challenging
When your partner isn’t there for you and you’re stuck judging yourself, self compassion is the medicine. Practice it with me.
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How to Choose a Couples Therapist
What to look for when you choose a couples therapist.
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Signs Your Marriage Has Become Platonic (and What to Do)
Does your marriage feel more like a friendship? Signs it’s become platonic, why it happens, and what helps.
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18 Questions to Build Emotional Intimacy with Your Partner
18 questions to help you talk about more than logistics and get to know each other again.
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How to Stop Arguing About Money
Money fights are rarely about the money. They’re about safety, freedom, control and worth. Here’s how to have a different conversation.
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How to Get Your Desire Back in Midlife
Desire often fades in midlife. Here’s what helps bring it back, for you and for your relationship.
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What Is Trauma Informed Couples Therapy?
What trauma informed couples therapy is, and why it matters when old hurts show up in your fights or in the bedroom.
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How to Choose a Retreat When You Feel Disconnected as a Couple
If you feel disconnected and you’re looking at couples retreats, here’s what to look for so you choose one that suits the two of you.
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How to Feel Emotionally Safe Together Again
How to feel safe with each other again, so you can talk about hard things without it turning into a fight.
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Do You Really Know Your Partner? The Power of Attentive Listening
First seek to understand. Then ask to be understood. Attentive listening is the practice that changes everything.
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What to Expect from a Weekend Retreat for Married Couples
What happens on a weekend retreat for married couples, and how it helps when you feel distant and desire has gone flat.
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10 Habits That Keep Intimacy Alive
Ten everyday habits that help you trust each other, keep desire alive and feel like lovers again.
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What Is a Couples Therapy Intensive?
What happens in a couples therapy intensive, and who it’s for.
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7 Signs You’re Drifting Apart
Seven signs you’re drifting apart, and what to do while it’s still early.
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Adventure Retreats for Couples: How They Help You Reconnect
How a couples adventure retreat works, and how outdoor adventures can help you feel close again.
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Conversations That Matter
Most couples talk logistics. The conversations that change everything are the ones we don’t usually have. Here’s where to start.
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What Is an Erotic Intimacy Retreat for Couples?
What happens on an erotic intimacy retreat for couples, and what to look for in a good one.
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What Is the Main Goal of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
What Emotionally Focused Therapy aims to do for couples, explained simply.
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When to Stop Couples Therapy
How to know when it’s time to stop couples therapy, keep going, or try something different.
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How to Feel Desired Again in a Long Term Relationship
How to feel desired again in a long term relationship. It starts before the bedroom.
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Should I Stay or Should I Leave My Relationship?
It’s painful to stay when you feel unloved, and painful to leave when you’re not sure. Here’s how to work out what’s right for you.
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Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) in Auckland
Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples in Auckland: what it is, how it works and what to expect.
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Tantra or Sex Therapy: Which One Do You Need?
Tantra or sex therapy? How each one works, where they differ, and when you might choose one, the other or both.
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7 Exercises to Feel Emotionally Connected Again
Seven simple exercises to help you feel emotionally connected again.
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Sue Johnson and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Who Sue Johnson is, and how her Emotionally Focused Therapy helps couples stop fighting and feel close again.
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Sex Therapy for Long Term Couples
How sex therapy can help couples who’ve been together a long time and want desire back.
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Are You in the Right Relationship?
Relationships are a fast track to personal growth. And we grow through discomfort. So how do you tell if it’s a growth edge or a true mismatch?
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What Is Long Term Couples Therapy?
What long term couples therapy is, and when it helps more than a few sessions.
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Long Term Goals for Couples Therapy
What couples therapy can help you work towards, beyond fewer fights.
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Why Does Couples Therapy Fail?
Why couples therapy sometimes doesn’t work, and what makes the difference.
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How Long Should You Stay in Couples Therapy?
How long should you stay in couples therapy? What affects it, and how to tell it’s working.
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